Today I had my first OB/GYN appointment. Everything went smoothly besides filling out and answering 100 questions about my family history and health. The nurse did all the normal poking and prodding, but none of that seemed to matter after she let me hear your heartbeat. At first, I thought it sounded like a noise maker, like those wave machines you turn on to help you sleep. But then as I got used to the noise, I started to hear the sound of your tiny heart beating. It beat fast, 170 beats per minute. And according to the nurse, that is the rate of a girl's heartbeat! Of course, there is no way to know for sure, but I have to admit, I wouldn't mind one bit if you did turn out to be a girl (is that why I have been so attracted to the color pink lately?). Don't worry, if you turn out to be a boy, Daddy will be happy to keep you!
This is the first week that I am starting to see my body change. Seeing my belly start to take on a round shape is a little foreign to me and will definitely take some getting used to! Probably the average person would have no idea I look any different. But when I look in the mirror, I'm starting to see my waist thicken, and unfortunately, I can't say I am welcoming the change! Hopefully as I get further along and my body really start to look pregnant, I will accept it gracefully. But for now it doesn't seem fair that I look like I've been eating a bunch of cheeseburgers, but haven't actually had the satisfaction of doing so!
at 6:26 PM
(Arrow on page points to window where the words "I Love You" are written over and over again.) THIS is what I keep trying to remind myself, because I know I am supposed to be feeling all happy about your existence, but right now I'm just sick of constantly feeling like I need to burp or, worse yet, throw up! Luckily, I have yet to actually do so, but the name "morning sickness" really is a misnomer. It's more like "all day sickness". It hasn't kept me from eating (I'm still hungry), but not much tastes or sounds good.
Grandpa Jon seems so excited to talk to me on the phone about how I am feeling, but I think he really just wants me to reiterate how HE is feeling... which is very very excited! Don't worry, I'll be excited as soon as I can focus on decorating your nursery and stop focusing on the thought that I'd really like to hug the toilet and then move straight to delivery!
at 6:02 PM
The book I'm reading, "What to Expect When You Are Expecting", says you are now the size of a blueberry! It's so much fun to imagine a little tiny you inside my belly. I can't wait for each new week to come, and to imagine you growing bigger and bigger.
The first several weeks of pregnancy, everything seemed so surreal. I often found myself wondering if I was really pregnant. But this week, you are making yourself known! I spent the first four days after returning home from India sleeping and feeling a bit nauseous. Although feeling sick to my stomach isn't much fun, I now have little doubt that you are on your way.
Dad and I have decided to wait a little while longer before breaking the news to our friends and extended family. But it's getting harder and harder. Who should we break the news to first? How will everyone react? Grandma Cristy is chomping at the bit to tell her friends (I think she has already told two!). She was just asking me yesterday how much longer she will have to wait!
at 1:00 PM
I'm so thankful that it worked out for us to get to tell Matt's parents the news in person! I had secretly hoped that it would happen that way, but since we had only started trying the month before, my hopes were not very high. But, it must have been meant to be. It was hard waiting a whole week to tell them, but knowing that we would get to see their faces was enough to make it worth the wait. Matt was especially excited to get to India... to see his parents and to be home, and I think knowing that he was going to get to share such life changing news made the reality even more golden.
We agreed to wait until we got home from the airport and were sitting at the kitchen table, which would inevitably happen. As we all sat down, Ammachy (grandmother) included, Matt told his parents that we had a Christmas gift to give them. With that said, I looked at Mamma and told her that she was going to be an Ammachy, then at Dadda telling him he was going to be an Appachan and finally at Ammachy saying she was soon to be an Amammachy. I think Dadda was the first one to get it; Mamma may have been thinking that I didn't know the meaning of these Malyalam words I was using! But then Dadda explained what I had said, and big smiles formed on everyone's faces.
The last time we saw Mamma and Dadda was at Manoj (Matt's brother) and Leanne's wedding in September, and the whole time Mamma was subtly (but not so subtly) letting me know that she was ready to be a grandmother. After breaking the news to them in India, they all got up and gave me a hug, telling me congratulations. Mamma said she wished she would get to see my belly grow bigger, and I assured her that I would send her email updates and pictures.
It's a hard reality knowing that your in-laws are on the other side of the world. So many people don't get along with their in-laws, but I feel like I can't get enough of mine. They are such sincere, warm, loving people who delight in our happiness and success. I can't wait to share each step of the pregnancy with them, and to see them hold their first grandchild in their arms.